From the desk of the Class President:

Esteemed friends and colleagues,

It is my distinct pleasure as Class President to deliver the annual Feinberg State of the Union Address, honoring the age-old FSM 3.0 tradition of doing so via an online newspaper. I consider this an opportunity to evaluate how my administration has done so far in addressing your needs as well as an opportunity to fill you in on what’s in store for our class moving forward.

In case you used all four of your personal days during my tenure as President and therefore missed all of it, here are a few highlights of what we’ve accomplished so far.

Under my Presidency, I successfully kept the books out of our libraries. Your privilege, nay right, to spy on your classmates through the bookshelves and wonder if what they are studying is maybe something you should also be studying. I also participated in what was only the second worst rollout in the country this year: the Summative Portfolio (thanks healthcare.gov!). And most importantly, I saw at least 50% of the class complete Step 1. While this may be 50% less than any other class in the history of Feinberg entering M3 year, it’s also infinitely more than the number of students who completed Step 1 during my predecessor’s regime. Think about it.

While all of this has been great, I can confidently say things are only looking up for the class of 2016. I’ve been able to reach across the DHW aisle and create the following new policies for our M3 year.

Starting immediately, the no laptop policy from SAM V will now apply to life in general. You’ll thank me when you realize this means you never have to cope with NMH Guest Wi-Fi again. Additionally, the system of underlining, bolding, and highlighting from our weekly CEC emails that conditioned us to ignore 95% of any email from AWOME will now be incorporated into Powerchart to help us adjust to life on the wards. And finally, it is now required that all oral presentations during the Ob/Gyn rotation are delivered in the voice of Bane because we’ve finally found something we’re pretty sure Dr. Garcia likes.

In summary, I believe the state of our union is strong. I hope you are satisfied with your Feinberg experience thus far and are as excited as I am for our bright future together. May you fully enjoy the upcoming year and may the sparkle in your pretending-to-be-excited-about-everything M3 eye always be in the shape of the Feinberg competency compass.

God bless you, and God bless the Feinberg School of Medicine.

With love,

Amy