CHICAGO – With the whispered excitement of Feinberg Formal pulsing through the hallways, and the lecture presentation of the 10-11th grade scientific concept of Dalton’s Law of Partial Pressures, students are elated to find themselves back in the thick of high school.
Feinberg M1 Steven Tayson relayed the sentiment: “When I was in lecture this morning, it was bizarre. It was just like my days back at Jackson Prep. People whispering and snickering about the dance just around the corner. Some century-old scientific idea that a 5th grader could probably understand on the board. I almost looked down for my letterman’s jacket!”
With yesterday’s developments at hand, Feinberg administrators are looking at the best way to move forward. Talks between administration and Sodexo, Inc. have yielded a near-groundbreaking partnership for the distribution and sale of chicken tenders, personal pizzas, cardboard pints of chocolate milk, individualized cereal boxes, and soggy crinkle-cut fries at affordable prices for students.
“I’m especially excited for the fries and milkshake machine!” declared Veronica Willingham. “We’re off of the cardio unit now…so…milk shakes are back in play!”
Some Feinberg students are less optimistic regarding today’s events. M1 Daniel Johnston was adamant in saying: “You know I looked at the schedule, and we have 4 histology and histopathology lectures tomorrow. I know it was great taking it easy and learning things a fifteen year-old could most-assuredly understand and explain, but nothing’s really changed long-term. I am looking forward to the milkshake machine though. That much is for damn sure.”
At press time, students were markedly distressed that all local florists had run out of corsages for the rapidly approaching formal.