WARD – “No, no, no, that was after I killed Osama bin Laden,” Geoffrey Smart revealed during his closed file panel interview last week. The Yale graduate explained that he performed open heart surgery on underprivileged children in Ecuador about three months after his honorable discharge from the military.

“He was a bit hard to follow because of all his accomplishments,” Smart’s M4 panel interviewer informed The Flipside. “I mean, beating Michael Jordan in a one-on-one pickup basketball game? That’s so impressive!”

One tour guide, who spoke with Smart, said that Smart didn’t realize that the content of his panel interview doesn’t actually matter, only how he presents himself and interacts with others.

“He was totally making stuff up. If he ends up coming here, he should definitely become a tour guide,” the tour guide added. “He’ll be able to make up such interesting things to say about the school and new curriculum.”

The Office of Admissions declined comment.